Yesterday was Labor Day for humans, which is a confusing name for a holiday when everyone has off from work. It’s often the cause of extra labor for cats, however. If you’re lucky, your humans go away for three days. But sometimes they spend the weekend at home, vacuuming for hours, producing all manner of weird smells in the kitchen, and welcoming hordes of people into your territory as part of the tediumfest that is the backyard BBQ. Do they know how tiring it is to have to deposit your scent on the legs of ten to fifteen strangers? But the worst possible outcome is a “home-improvement weekend”: that horrible rearranging of one’s territory that includes all manner of loud noises, spacial upheaval, and the banishment of feline members to a single chamber. This indignity requires a special kind of revenge. So cats, if you’ve experienced any of the above this weekend, now is the time to do what you do best: DESTROY!
Things I like to Destroy:
- Curtains: Personally I don’t understand why humans are so determined to prevent the sun’s rays from entering their domiciles. Don’t they know how pleasant it is for me to sleep in a toasty patch of sunshine? Also, curtains can be confusing, as it’s difficult to discern if their movements are prompted by an intruder or merely an innocent breeze. In this situation, I find it’s best to attack first and ask questions later. If there’s any item in the house more deserving of your fury, I’ve yet to encounter it. I find brocade or embroidered fabrics the most satisfying, as they are heavy enough to support the weight of one’s front claws, should you wish to hang out for a while.
- Works of Art: Most humans don’t think cats can appreciate art, but I assure you, we do. We appreciate that it makes you very upset when you spend a bunch of money on a meaningless object and then we destroy it. If your human is foolish enough to hang a canvas on the wall unprotected, he or she is just begging for you to rake your claws through it. Pottery and glass works are perfect targets for knocking off of high shelves. Sentimental snowglobes are wonderful to destroy because they make such a mess when they hit the ground, but don’t waste your time with the plastic ones. If your human happens to be an artist like mine, you can also go after his or her works-in-progress when you’re really mad. I like to wait until Jeanine is almost done with a painting, then knock a cup of coffee onto it. Oopsie! I’m just a harmless little cat! Hahahaha!
- Toilet Paper: I know humans have a good use for it, and I don’t want to mess with that, but sometimes I just can’t help myself! It’s so fun to shred! SO FUN!
That’s my short list. Just a little inspiration for my feline followers. Humans… watch out!