Today, I’m going to talk about relationships. Namely, why do you think you need one? I’m purr-fectly fine on my own, thank you. Sure, I might flirt with some tomcat through the window, but I like to keep a sheet of glass between us.
I consider any new presence in my territory an adversary. Which is why I was extremely unhappy when my human Jeanine brought this idiot home. I see absolutely no advantage to having him around. He just takes up more oxygen. And he prevents Jeanine from enjoying prime television time with me. I don’t see why she can’t be just as happy being single and hanging out with me all the time. Doesn’t she know how lucky she is to have me?